Ask, then use their words

Usually better

• Autistic person

  Identity-first; the most common preference among autistic adults.

• Non-autistic / allistic

  Clearer than “normal”.

• Support needs

  Describes help in context, not a rank of human worth.

• Non-speaking

  Describes output without assuming nothing is understood.

• Stimming

  Neutral, accurate word for regulatory movement or sound.

• Special interest

  Used with respect inside the community.

• Meltdown / shutdown

  Nervous-system events, not tantrums or sulks.

• Accommodations / adjustments

  Access, not favours.

Usually worse

• Suffers from / afflicted with

  Writes misery onto an identity.

• High- / low-functioning

  Erases mixed support needs and is often used to withhold help.

• Person with autism — if they have said otherwise

  Person-first is fine only when it is their ask.

• Everyone’s a little autistic

  Shrinks a disability into a personality quirk.

• Puzzle piece / light it up blue

  Tied to awareness-as-tragedy campaigns.

• Warrior parent / angel child

  Turns a family into a myth and a child into a burden or mascot.

• Inspiring — for ordinary life

  Inspiration porn. Existing is not a performance for you.

• Despite their autism

  Frames the person as succeeding against themselves.